Adoption
Answers to your questions about adoption.
What is adoption?
Adoption is a legal procedure, which places a child with adoptive parents who raise the child as a member of their own family.
Is adoption permanent?
Yes. The child legally becomes a permanent member of the adoptive family. Some states allow a period of time after the child is placed for the birth mother to reconsider her decision.
How can adoption be good for my baby and me?
If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. You can plan for your baby's future by selecting a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can see, name, and spend time with your baby. If you so choose, you can get updates on your child's progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child's life while you continue your education or career goals.
Isn't it better if I marry my boyfriend and we raise the baby?
Wanting to provide a secure family for you child shows your love and maturity because you realize that raising a child in a loving family is important. However, getting married just because you are pregnant is often a poor foundation for building a family. Marriage failures are high for those who marry under such pressures.
What if my parent and friends pressure me to keep the baby?
It may be hard for your parents or others to know that you are considering adoption. Your parents may be thinking of a grandchild, your boyfriend may think it's his duty to be a father, and your friends may be thinking of a lovable and cuddly baby. Ultimately though, the decision to release your child for adoption or raise your baby yourself is one that you will have to live with the rest of your life. It should be a decision that you make after you consider your options carefully.
How is adoption done?
There are two main parts to adoption. Most obviously, the birth mother must agree to release her child for adoption. In some areas, the father of the baby is also required to give consent. Likewise, a couple wanting to adopt a child must apply and be accepted as prospective adoptive parents by a government approved agency. A thorough home study is done to ensure that they couple will be able to provide proper care and love for a child.
Can I choose a family for my baby?
Yes! With most adoption agencies, you can choose a family friend, acquaintance, or someone who has been recommended to you, even someone in another state. Or you can choose from couples screened by your agency- couples who have been waiting to become parents.
How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
There are 3 adoption plans so that you can choose the one that is right for you and your baby. If you choose an open adoption plan, you can have ongoing visits with your child. A less open adoption plan keeps you informed about your child's progress through letters and pictures. If you prefer not to have any ongoing contact with your child and adoptive family, confidential adoption plans are available.
How much will my child know about me?
This really depends on what plan you choose. Your agency will encourage you to provide your complete medical and social history to your child, no matter what type of adoption plan you make. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family.
Will my child have information about his or her birth father?
Hopefully, yes. This will depend on the birth father's cooperation with you and the staff at the adoption agency. Most birth fathers give their complete medical and social history, recognizing how important this is for the child. At other times, only the information you provide will be available.
Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
The laws in your state will determine when and how your child may have access to information in the adoption file. If you have given written consent, your child will have access to your identity, and the agency from whom you received counseling will assist your child in a search. If you choose a confidential adoption, your identity will remain anonymous, as long as you wish it.
Will my baby be well taken care of?
Adoption agencies have long waiting lists of couples who are unable to have children and who are ready to love and raise a child. Authorities estimate that at least 15 to 20 couples wait for every healthy infant available, and many families are waiting to adopt babies who are born with handicaps. Many couples wait for years and years, while some wait forever.
How can I be sure my child will not be neglected or abused?
Adoptive families approved by your agency must meet standards that are shared with you. Adoption agencies make every attempt to complete a thorough assessment of potential adoptive families. Prior to finalizing the adoption, the agency will make home visits to ensure the child's well-being. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
When do I have to decide about adoption?
You can decide at any point in your pregnancy or after the baby is born. Most birth mothers choose to place their child for adoption before the child is born. If a woman wants, she can also place her child in foster care while she makes the decision. However, many have found that making a commitment to adoption before the birth makes the placement easier for the birth mother.
Do I need an attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
You do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. The adoption agency will handle all the legal details for you and the birth father.
How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child's placement depends on three factors:
- When you choose for the family to take the baby
- Legal aspects of the adoption, which may vary from state to state
- The cooperation of the birth father
Many birth mothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital. Some women prefer to place their baby in temporary care while they consider their adoption decision.
How do birth parents feel after placing a child for adoption?
It's normal to experience grief after an adoption, but this sadness is a healthy part of life - it means you realize that healing must take place. Still, many birth mothers will say afterwards, that the peace of mind that came from knowing that you helped give your child the best possible start in life can be a real source of strength.
Resources: Bethany, Life Cycle Books |
